Kids: You've Gotta Love 'Em
by dattebayo1213
Summary: A collection of USUALLY SHORT oneshots about the children of the Naruto crew. Lots of cuteness. Review for the children.
1. It SPEAKS!

Title: Five Years, Two Words

Author: dattebayo1213

Premise: When his parents fight, Haru knows just as well as they do that too much has been said. But sometimes, the only way to fix things is through words.

Story:

The black haired, dark eyed boy stared around the corner. He had been unable to sleep through the ruckus his parents had created, unlike his twin and younger brother, who had been sound asleep for hours. He had lain awake, retelling the story he had heard from his mother about the Ugly Duckling, that no one believed in, which had grown into a beautiful swan that everyone loved and admired. "_Kinda parallels my own situation…_" He had thought while listening intently, and it was that one thought that had kept him up until now, searching for answers to his problem.

He had racked his mind for hours until he realized, that there was no avoiding the one thing that would get him out of this sticky situation. He knew he could, and he had, several times, but it just didn't feel right.

"Asuka, it's been five years! He hasn't made any sort of attempt at speaking! **Kenta** is putting words together, but he hasn't made a sound!" His father said, his normally stoic face betraying his concern for his eldest child.

"Isshin, he's fine. Other than that small detail, he's well ahead for his age. He'll speak when he wants to." His mother replied curtly, hitting his father on the head with a rolled up newspaper.

"Che. I'm just worried. He'll be starting at the Academy next year, and I'm worried about how he'll make friends before then." Isshin said, completely oblivious to the presence of the little boy behind him. "I… I want him to have friends, so he won't be like me."

Asuka reached out and put her hand on Isshin's shoulder. "Haru'll do it. Hey, he's always getting by at the last minute isn't he? He's just a late bloomer. When he figures out where he's going, he'll be the best of them all. Come here, Haru-chan." She said, reaching out her arms to her little boy.

Haru walked forward quite reluctantly and sat in her lap. He looked up at her, took a deep breath and smiled. "_It's time…_" He thought. "It's okay." He whispered quietly, patting his mother's back. Asuka shook her head like a dog shaking water out of its fur, a habit picked up from her adoptive brother. "Ru-chan?" She asked, face betraying the incredulity she felt. Her daughter, his twin, had been speaking since two, and her youngest had begun stringing small words together, but she had never expected her eldest to speak so unexpectedly.

"It's okay." He repeated, smiling at her, the light contained in that gesture illuminating his face. Her husband contained his emotions, and quickly put up the stoic persona reserved for all but her. "Haru, did you just speak?"

Haru shrugged and smiled. Asuka threw a nearby ball at her now chuckling husband. "What are you, BLIND? Of course the boy spoke!" Haru joined in the communal laughing, Ayame dragging a tottering Kenta in to join them all.

It was funny how certain things could bring people together.


	2. So, what do you want to be?

Story:

Author: dattebayo1213

Premise: Who knew the simple question- "What do you want to be when you grow up?"- could elicit such a… heartfelt response?

A/N: Realized I forgot to list the kids. Birthdates are listed as years after Kyuubi Attack. Here's the list:

Naruto and Hinata Uzumaki:

Ryu Uzumaki [M], 7/14/26

Yuri Uzumaki [F], 12/31/28

Iruka Uzumaki [M], 10/26/30

Minato Uzumaki [M], 2/14/33

Sasuke and Sakura Uchiha:

Ren Uchiha [M], 12/23/23

Seishin Uchiha [M], 3/9/25

Sora Uchiha [F], 10/28/30

Kairi Uchiha [F], 10/28/30

Shikamaru and Temari Nara:

Hitomi Nara [F], 1/19/24

Shikatobi (Tobi) Nara [M], 5/16/28

Shikaito (Kaito) Nara [M], 4/13/30

Isshin Matsushita and Asuka Nara:

Haru Matsushita [M], 10/31/26

Ayame Matsushita [F], 10/31/26

Kenta Matsushita [M], 7/16/30

Kiba and Ino Inuzuka:

Inoichi (Riki) Inuzuka [M], 4/21/26

Inoko (Sachi) Inuzuka [F], 8/25/32

So there it is. Enjoy.

Story:

Ren blinked as his mother held up her prized video camera and asked him again. "Ren-kuuun? What do you wanna do when you grow up?" The five year old boy pondered his options. Being the eldest son, he was most probably going to end up as the clan head, whether he wanted it or not, but besides that… Police Force? Army? "I don't know." He replied, satisfied with his answer. He and his mother both understood from the three words he had said that he knew there would be years upon years to decide this. And Ren didn't want to decide too early. There was no room for rejection in this little boy's mind.

"And how about you, Seishin?" Sakura asked, shifting her camera onto the face of her younger son, who was currently deep in thought. He held up a hand, petitioning her to wait one more minute so he could think some more. "I want to be the head of the clan. I'll do it better than Ren, anyway." He said, amazing Sakura (and Ren, for that matter) at his audacity.

"But, honey, you know that's going to be Ren's job…" Sakura interjected, knowing Seishin could go on for hours on his older brother's shortcomings if prompted.

"I don't care." He said, causing Sakura to make a mental note of telling Sasuke to watch his words around the children. "Daddy says the Uchiha heir should be powerful. I is powerful. Ren just draws." Seishin said haughtily, pointing his nose up snootily at the sight of his older brother.

"You? Powerful?" Sakura asked, unable to keep herself from laughing. "But, Sei-chan, you're so little! How do you know?"

"Dad says so." Seishin said, immediately causing a unexplainable amount of killer intent to be released by his brother. "Dad says lots of stuff." Ren muttered, thinking about ways he could murder his little brother without it being traced back to him.

"Now, boys, don't fight!" Sakura yelled, finally ditching the video camera to prevent her boys from causing any real damage to each other. Sasuke slammed the door as he walked in, obviously angry after a long day of work to see his wife roughhousing on the floor with his two sons. "What are you three doing?"


	3. Horrors Upon Horrors

Story: Horrors Upon Horrors

Author: dattebayo1213

Premise: Haru and Ayame watch a horror movie. Inspired by an episode of ABC's "The Middle", (Patricia Heaton and Neil Flynn) and my little sister.

"Right, Haru. We're gonna watch this movie!" Ayame said, waving a video cover around. Haru grabbed it away from her, taking one look at the movie title before beginning to bite his nails in fear.

"N.. n.. no! It's called 'ZOMBIE HORROR'! Mom said NEVER to watch these!"

"Are you CHICKEN, big bro?" Ayame said, facing her older brother with a disapproving glance. "Cause I don't listen to CHICKENS."

"Ehe. Ehe. Fine." Haru said and rolled his eyes. "It's your fault, if Kenta walks in."

"Come ON! He's WAAAAY asleep!" She reached for the remote and pressed the play button, beginning the movie with one of the goriest title sequences ever. Haru shuddered as a zombie wrote out the title on a gravestone with a knife dripping blood. "People… don't do that in real life, right?" He asked quietly, clenching and unclenching his fists as he attempted to relieve stress.

"Awww, come on! It's not even scary yet!" Ayame protested as a woman got her head chopped off and was disemboweled by worms. "In fact, it's actually kind of cool!" Haru stared at the screen balefully.

"Can I… go?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

**2 Hours Later**

Ayame held on to Haru tightly. "THIS IS SOOO SCARY! ESPECIALLY WHEN THE GIRL OPENED THE DOOR! IT WAS LIKE 'NOOOO! THE MONSTERS THERE!' GAAH!" Haru nodded dumbly, not wanting to say anything for fear of bursting into tears. "You thought it was scary too, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Figures! You get scared by SQUIRRELS!"

"They're malicious animals which want to kil—AAGH!" He yelled, hearing a scream come from the TV. He jumped up an inch and ended up holding onto Ayame.

"Stupid zombies. THEY'RE COMING!" He yelled, pointing at an arm like shadow, creeping across the window.

"I'll… protect you?" Ayame whispered, hiding pitifully behind her extremely scared older brother, who had moved on to clutching his teddy bear. His eyes widened as the shadow projected farther across the window and dived under the sheets, only pausing to turn off the TV. Ayame soon followed, and understandably, neither spoke of this event again. Even when Asuka asked her children why they were acting so suspicious of the window the next morning.


	4. Child Abuse, Part 1

Story: Child Abuse? (Part One)

Premise: A test is set up for the graduating ninja class' medical course in which a mother with a choking baby asks them to save it. Little does this mother know, she's asking the wrong kids. In more ways than one.

A/N: Someone other than Mieke leave a review and I will give you a cookie. Damn, that means I gotta make some… Mieke and Lunarvision stole mine (and Lunarvision took my muffin too. DX) You'll probably be able to tell which kids are where, but I'll put names in there to make it clearer. And Mieke, Haru's reaction to this WILL be legendary. Just WATCH.

Dedicated to Mrs. Lagana and her wonderful pamphlets. They were ANNOYING.

"MY CHILD IS CHOKING! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" The hired actress yelled, holding her rather obviously fake baby up in the air. "YOU! YOUNG MAN! HELP ME SAVE MY CHILD!"

"Isn't saving a plastic baby rather… unneeded?" Seishin asked, picking something up off of the floor.

"But—He's real!"

"You forgot the back of his head. Here." Seishin said, causing the woman to glare angrily at him. "That's beside the point, boy. How do you do CPR?"

"Tch. The normal way. With the airway opening, and compressions and stuff. I'm delivering something for Mom. So leave me alone." Seishin said and stomped off towards the hospital.

"HELP ME SAVE MY SON!" The woman yelled, holding the now complete baby and apparently choking baby in front of a rather frightened Haru, who backed away slowly when presented with it. "Ehe… Ehe… I don't know how to help though…!" He said, staring at the baby, whose programming was actually working this time, meaning that it was coughing and turning blue.

"I CAN'T DO IT!" He yelled and ran in the opposite direction, causing the older boy with him to pick up the plastic toy, slam it against the wall and walk away muttering, "Dad gives the teachers too much leeway."

(A/N: Cookies for whoever identifies the mystery boy first! Shouldn't be too hard.)

"MY CHILD!"

"It's plastic."

"But you're a ninja, Matsushita! Save it!" The lady screamed, still acting overly dramatic.

"Fool, I graduated already. I don't need any of these tests." Bara said and rolled her eyes. "This fake-ass baby can go suck it."

"Revision?" The lady offered lamely, while the preteen girl walked away. "Whatever."

"MY CHILD IS DYING!"

"I saw the previous test, you know. Screw this." Ayame said, her happy way of speech completely contradicting her message… as usual. She picked up the baby by the feet and shook it, causing the program to abort.

"This is how you hold 'em, right?"

The lady sighed and shook her head, righting the baby so Ayame could hold it properly. This year's batch was SCREWED if this test proved anything.

Ayame grinned as the object popped out of the baby's mouth. "FOR THE **WIN**!" She yelled as she bounced off towards her final destination.

The lady smiled. Maybe not so screwed after all.

A/N: Review with other characters you want to see, full list is on the poll on my profile.


	5. Revenge of the Babysat

Story: Babysitting

Premise: Naruto's in a meeting, so he gives control of Natto to the three least likely people to EVER babysit a child: The Scaredy Cat, The Bubbly Crazy Lady, and Mister Personality himself.

A/N: Thanks to our only voter, OerbaKatMieke, the characters have been picked for this chapter. You can guess who they are. I'm SURE you can.

"Take care of him. I'll only be gone for a short while… I hope so, at least." Naruto said, detaching Natto from around his neck. "Child, get off."

"Don' wanna, 'ttebane!" Natto yelled, struggling to keep his arms around his father's neck. "Ru-nii's HORRIBLE!"

Haru's eyes opened wide as he stared at his evil little cousin, who was in the process of repeatedly kicking his father in a rather awkward place. "HUH? What did I do to you?"

"Awww, Ru-chaaaan, I'll keep him safe. Right, Natto-kuuun?" Ayame asked, as her cousin literally glomped her, earning a sigh of relief from his father, who, almost immediately, left so his son couldn't follow. "Freedom never felt so good." They heard him whisper as he ran quickly away from the children, ignoring the whimperings of his son. "Awww, Natto-kuuun, you're so cute!" She gushed, ruffling the boy's hair as he glared at poor Haru over her shoulder.

"WHAT?" Haru yelled, crossing his arms obstinately as the little boy stuck out his tongue. Seishin pulled his knife out of his pocket and held it to Haru's neck. "You will not talk, and not make any noise unless we want that child killing EVERYONE in the vicinity, right, little cousin?"

Haru's eyes got even wider as he laughed nervously and backed away from the imposing boy as well as the presumed child murderer. "Ehe… ehe… yo guys go ahead… I think I'll… Ummm…" He began and abruptly turned around and ran. Natto chose that moment to tug insistently on the redhead's hair, expecting to garner a scream, or a whimper at least, as he extracted so often from his youngest older brother. Seishin detached the little boy's grubby fingers from the chunk of hair that was hidden in his fist and turned around and glared at him as he said. "No touching. No hugging. Nothing."

Natto pouted and struggled against Ayame's tight grasp as he fought to get to Seishin. "Wanna go SHIN!" He yelled balefully, struggling against her arms as he screamed. Seishin eventually gave in and the boy jumped into his arms and fell asleep immediately, extracting a whistle from Ayame and a reappearance on Haru's part as the younger boy stuck his head out from behind a nearby streetlight and whispered, "Is he asleep yet?"

Natto chose that moment to stick his tongue out and grin, causing Haru to retreat behind the post again. "Shoot." A shot echoed through the air as Haru got hit by a rather large Nerf gun pellet. "NOT LIKE **THAT**!"

Moral of the story: Natto can PWN EVERYONE, even people who don't seem to have a heart.

A/N: So there it is. This is the… second, third largest one I think. Let me know if you liked it. :D


	6. The Downfalls of Realism

Story: The Downfalls of Realism… and the Solution

Premise: Haru and Seishin read story books… inspired by the awesome that is Mieke early in the morning. :D Seishin is inspired by the stories my family tells about me as a child. Wow. I was a cynical little kid.

"… And the little bear climbed up the tree, looking around to see the world under him… Well how else would he get up the tree? Jump? Run? Fly? **No.** Bears can't **do** any of those things. So, he climbed. **No. Duh.**" Seishin said, rolling his eyes and glaring at the little book with the picture of a little bear on the tree. "Besides, that's a blatant violation of basic safety rules." He turned the page to see a picture of a little bear, skipping around with a human girl while talking to her about friends and family… or something of the sort. "**I. Hate. Maurice. Sendak.**" Seishin said, gritting his teeth as he flipped pages faster and faster to find something remotely realistic in the book, but found nothing that fit his criteria. "**I despise imaginations…**"

Haru huffed as Seishin went on and on about the annoyance known as simple books for small children, and pouted until he realized that Seishin would not notice, caught up as he was with his rant about literature for small children. Haru then calmly opened his own book, a rather interesting one on the speech difficulties of a cow and pig, who made the other species' sound, causing them to be discriminated against. _"Sounds like humanity. Is this some sort of symbolism?"_ He asked himself, outwardly choosing to squeal at the pretty drawings and laugh at the "stupidity" of the cow and pig as they strained their vocal chords to make a sound that they never considered their own. (A/N: "The Cow That Went Oink". This was my **favorite** book as a kid. ^^ Try reading it to the small kids in your life! It's fun as hell!)

"Unnnn… Sei-chaaaan?" Haru asked, abandoning his book for annoying his cousin. "If you hate the bear so much, why don' you try the cow book?" He dropped his own book in Seishin's lap and took the one the boy had been glaring at just moments before. "I like Little Bear, so I'll read it! That okay?" Haru asked, poking Seishin in the arm. "That okaaaaay?" Haru opened the book with his other hand, unlike Seishin, enjoying every second of the imaginary world, squealing once again as the bear climbed up the tree and talked to the worm, which was, oddly, his favorite character. "Woorm!"

"Very okay." Seishin said, quite awhile later, moving his arm in a way that sent Haru flying. "Have fun."

Ryu sighed from his spot in the corner. Hopefully things would change when they got older, just like all the adults said it did. But then again, looking at his own father and his uncle Shikamaru, this could go on for lifetimes. "Not my problem…" He muttered, going back to reading his own book. "They still haven't noticed that I took the best one. Hehehehe…"

A/N: Anyone notice that Seishin's a realist? ^^ Review, please!


	7. Murphy's Third Law

Title: Murphy's Third Law

A/N: Relationship issues have come up a lot recently with a lot of my friends and one of them was ranting to me about a date gone extremely, extremely wrong.

Haru shuffled around in front of the gates of the Uzumaki house. "Dressed nicely, check. No book, check. Money for two people for dinner…" He pulled out his frog wallet and checked that there was enough for dinner. "Aww, man, I don't have enough for Popular Science this week." He made a face. "Oh, whatever. I can get this one and the next issue next time. Right, right, back to the list! So, uh, dressed nicely, no book, money for dinner… Oh! My shirt isn't tucked in!" He pushed his shirt in his pants and stuck a hand in to straighten it out.

The door suddenly opened and Naruto stared him down."Haru. I assume you're here to speak with my daughter?" Naruto looked him up and down, frowning as he noticed the hand down his pants. "At least have the decency to tuck your shirt in somewhere else, not in broad daylight…"

"Dad? Cool shit, my bitch is here!" Yuri pushed her dad out of the way and rushed outside before returning to get up onto her tiptoes and plant a kiss on the side of his face. "I'll be safe and kill all the rapists, don't you worry.

"One last thing, Yuri, Haru." Naruto stepped aside. "You're going to have to take Natto with you. I haven't arranged for any childcare for him for this afternoon and I have a meeting to attend to. Well? Go on then." Naruto shoved a grinning Natto out before slamming the door and retreating inside.

"Hey hey, big bro. Got enough for me too?"

"WAIT WHAT?"

A/N: So there you have it. I had to be evil to someone, and poor Haru had to be the only one available. Sometimes I feel bad for him.


	8. An Interesting Use of Biology Books

Title— An Interesting Use of Biology Books

Prompts—

55. Garden

89. Ink

63. Waiting

A/N: Two updates in one night? Ridiculous, I know. Here it is, regardless. And to argue in my favor, the last one **was** quite short.

Yuri grinned as she picked up yet another flower and stuck it between the pages of a large book. Hopefully Iruka wouldn't notice that she had stolen yet another one of his biology books to press them. She swung her legs out from under her and, gripping onto the top tightly, and pulled her legs up onto the seat of the chair, standing up and reaching up as far as she could to pull the book closest to the end of the shelf over her desk down. She sat back down and leafed through the pages, occasionally pulling out a flower or pretty leaf that she had been meaning to save. Oh, her brothers knew that she did girly things in secret. Hell, Haru knew too, but he knew he'd die if he told anyone too. She loved her brothers too much to kill them. Sometimes. Every once in awhile.

She glued the flowers carefully into her waiting little book, standing back to admire her job well done once she had finished collecting all the finished ones. Her little book did show an improvement over the years—it had begun with a few her mother had helped her do, which were pasted clumsily onto the first few pages, and continued all the way until now, when the flowers were expertly glued onto the pages. It was almost like a whole little garden contained in this little book. Yuri liked gardens. She flipped past the pages which were splattered with ink, making a face as she remembered the one time she had let Natto watch her work. He had gnawed on one of her pens until it exploded, the ink splattering all over her, his mouth and, most importantly, her book.

Sure, she was upset that he had to be taken to the hospital afterwards, but she was more upset about the book. Brothers could be replaced, especially that one. And please, he was too stupid to die anyway. If he even almost hurt himself, he'd raise enough of hell as it was. She returned to the book, flipping through until the last flower she had glued on today. "Huh. There's only a couple pages left in this…" She sighed and stared out the window, glaring at the snow falling from the sky. "Hurry up and be spring already. I'm tired of waiting for you stupid seasons to change."

A/N: Yes, Yuri has a girly side. I'm almost as surprised as other people might be. It's utterly ridiculous, imagining her as this feminine. Oh well.


End file.
